The Muslim Way of Speaking: Speaking with Tolerance and Forgiveness

In a verse of the Qur'an, Allah tells us that a well-spoken, tolerant and forgiving manner of speech is expected of the faithful:

To live according to this moral code, as defined in the Qur'an, requires a sincere faith and fear of Allah, because, to demonstrate a superior morality, one of the most difficult responsibilities is in forgiving somebody against whom one has a valid complaint.

To forgive someone who has committed an injustice against us, and to, though we may be in the right, adopt a gentle manner of speaking, is only possible through the reformation of the soul and conscience gained by the fear of Allah. In areas of the world where the morality of the Qur'an is not observed, people are only tolerant towards others when they expect a benefit in return; only for such a reason would they forgive others with calm, measured and tolerant speech. However, this is only on the surface—on the inside, instead of tolerance, they harbor hatred and anger. When they have obtained the benefit they had been hoping for, and there is a conflict of interest, or when they reach the limits of their patience, then they let out that hatred and anger. In some cases, after resorting to a malevolent, intolerant and aggressive way of speaking, people say they have forgiven the other party using words like, "Let me be big hearted." However, first giving way to the provocations of the lower self, then expressing anger, and only afterwards forgiving the other person, so as to place him under a debt of gratitude, is not genuine tolerance. What is important is to be able to adopt this superior morality. Our Prophet pointed out the importance of this to the faithful with these words: "The strong man is not the good wrestler; the strong man is only he who controls himself when he is angry." (Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

For this reason, the faithful, even in circumstances where they are most in the right, remain modest, tolerant and forgiving, in accordance with the morality of the Qur'an, because they know that what is most acceptable is that they show firm patience when they find themselves in conflict with their own lower-selves. They know that to gain Allah's approval they need to maintain good morals, not from time to time, but in all times, without interruption, and through to the end of their lives. In addition, just as they appear gentle, principled and compassionate on the outside, so, too, do the faithful have the same compassion within themselves. If they adopt a forgiving manner of speech, it is because the forgiveness is genuine. There is nothing in their hearts of hatred or anger. When they are in a situation of conflict with their own selves, they know that it is their responsibility to Allah not to deviate from the morality of the Qur'an by resorting to a belligerent manner of speech. For this reason, they remain firm in their morality with those they meet and speak in a tolerant, compassionate and forgiving way, in order to gain the approval of Allah. In this verse, Allah advises the faithful: